Carbuncle Test?

My father often eluded to the fact that humans can be far more diverted from what is going on in the world by the advent of a, “Carbuncle on your behind.” (a large usually infected boil.) Papa said, “people with the pain of a carbuncle, would care little about people dyeing in concentration camps in Nazi Germany.”

So it was for me in this past week. I had known for sometime that I had some serious cancerous sights on my neck and back. After a number of fearful postponements, the surgical removal took place. I tried to follow the events, especially in Madison but I found myself worrying more about the spread of cancerous cells. Yes, I had been assured that this was not possible. Yet I remembered vividly Dr. Js. answer to my question, “suppose I do nothing?” “Well the one on your ear could go to the brain. Though not likely but where it could spread, we don’t know.”

I began to try to reconstruct my fear of cancer since it has been with me a good part of my long life. On one fine spring day when I was a child my mother died from a back alley abortion. In my insistence on knowing what happened to her I was told,”she went on a trip.” No, she died of cancer. It was all mysterious and very scary. That underneath sort of fear stayed with me for most of my adult years. Until.

In 1975 on an Outward Bound rafting trip in Oregon down the Rogue River I had a dream. I was hiking in those very mountains around the river. I came to a fast rushing stream. To get where I was going I had to cross it. As I looked into the rushing water there were these huge menacing spider crabs. Panicked unable to cross the stream. I woke up in my tent with a sudden start. Now I thought, “what the hell was that about?” Right away I knew it was not about crabs. First of all what was the stream that I had to cross? Ahaa, that was my journey, my path. If I was unable to cross it my life would be stalled.

As I went down the Rogue with my four other rafters I could not get that picture of me and the giant crabs out of my minds eye. Sure enough there was an astrology nut on board who suggested that “crabs are the symbol of The Tropic of Cancer.” Everybody on board thought I was nuts when I yelled, “By God that’s it. Cancer I can’t get on with my life for the fear of that hated dreadful disease.” All that day I went over and over that discovery.

Trying to concentrate on the historic struggle of the Labor Movement in Wisconsin I was still being nailed down with that underlying fear of cancer. Okay, once again I had to clear that underneath subconscious stuff out of the way. Now I can get back in touch with my son out there in Madison and get an update on what the teachers did at last nights meeting.

About the cancer surgery, my carbuncle. Yes I am doing just fine, having crossed the stream. In a week I should be back at my old stand thanks to Dr. J. His response to my question, “how come you aren’t doing Nips and Tucks on celebrities over on Madison Avenue” “Yes I could do that but this is far more rewarding. Don’t you think?” “Well of course and I love you for it.” Made my day.

Be back soon with more thoughts on Labors fight for survival. So far looks pretty good. We’ll see?