Blue Collar Philosophy 101

In my many years of living and working with Blue Collar people I have enjoyed listening to their most varied conversations. I thought from time to time I would share some of their wisdom with you.

In order of frequency subject manner can range from sex, sports, work issues, politics, wars, sex, and sports. I am working on yet another furniture project. A library stand based on a Jefferson Monticello piece. When I pulled up to the huge lumber warehouse to pick up some Pennsylvania Cherry wood the place seemed empty. Upon walking through this huge cavernous building I realized it must be lunchtime and found the five Guys gathered around a table in a small back room.

“Hope I’m not interfering with anything important” “Hell no Robert come on in and help us figure out what’s going on with this guy Spitzer.” It turned out the discussion was about the possibility that Elliot Spitzer could run for Mayor of New York. He had been the NY State Attorney General until he was forced to resign in disgrace from a scandal with a high priced prostitute. Or as one of the Guys pointed out there is a price breaking point as it goes from the Whore to Prostitute to Call Girl. “You see Robert its all in the price.” I asked, “So what’s the issue you Guys are trying to resolve?”

There was a short conversation and then, “What makes a smart guy like Spitzer ruin a promising career just to get laid?” Suddenly everyone was talking at once. “He was hard up.” “His wife is a cold bitch.” “He needs to pay for it cause it makes him feel powerful.” “Yea and with no entanglements. Like he really loved the girl and couldn’t help himself.” “Power, it’s all about power. The Guy just wants to show how much dough he’s got and how he can buy anything he wants.”

Herb, who seemed the most thoughtful amongst the group, began quietly. “Look, you’re out working all day. You’re driving home you begin daydreaming about what you’d like to do when you walk in the door of your house. The stick in my pants already gets the idea and starts swelling. I come in the door. There’s my wife sweating in a dirty apron and starts complaining, “you think I can make it on the money you’re giving me to run this place you’re nuts” “The stick down below shrivels and dies.” Now remember Spitzer’s wife is a lawyer. She isn’t busy with laundry she’s busy with cases she needs to try tomorrow. She hasn’t time for Spitzer’s fantasy of some bikini cute in amongst the Caribbean Palms.

Jimmy jumps in, “I get it so he goes to see his call Girl and they ain’t got nothing on their minds but you know what.” Yupp Herb says and that’s the way it is with that girl in the office. Same thing. They look at each other and feel hot to trot go off to a motel great sex. Think they rediscovered heaven on earth. No laundry, no food shopping, no dinner to make, no kids to pick up from school, no kids to take to soccer, the ballet, music lessons, play dates, on and on” Just a role in the hay a nice dinner and go home make believe nothing happened. “Yea and don’t forget he tells the wife, “Honey I had a tough day at the office and with all that overtime I need to just rest.” Man the whole group is laughing and they seem to agree except Herb is back.

“Yeah that’s all true but let me give you the other side of the same story. It’s a nice sunny day and the wife is at home. She’s just a little dressed singing, prancing around no bra just a little blouse and shorts. She looks out the window and there’s the handsome young gardener bare chested with all those rippling muscles. Her lower department is getting damp. No problems just an invitation to come on in for a glass of iced tea. He doesn’t ask a question. He is in the house and they’re tearing each other’s clothes off and having a great role on the hay. No fuss no muss no kids no cooking just the two of them having a little fun in heaven. Okay Guys that’s how it is for both men and women. Women have the exact same problems as the men. They too find creative ways to solve them. Humans have been doing it forever and it will continue forever”

As I Left with my Pennsylvania Cherry I thanked them for the Blue Collar Philosophy 101 on sexual dalliance and promised to be back for some more good wood.